i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
