When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
