her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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