I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
