respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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