we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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