I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize