ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
