Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
