i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
