I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
