You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
