he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
