so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
