Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
