I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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