WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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