I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
