cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.