He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.