Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You made out with two different species that night
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.