if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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