so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.