the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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