Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
