Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..