i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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