new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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