Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
