Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
