eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
