8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She bit a glass in half.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
