there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
