Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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