"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
