dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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