My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
