we have officially lost it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
