I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
