I hate your face
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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