I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
