shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
