i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
