"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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