The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
