you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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