My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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