i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
