Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm at about main and main street
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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