Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
