he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
