he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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