Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
