I heard we made out
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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