I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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