What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
