A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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