This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
