Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
