I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
