I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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