She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
two words: eviction party
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
