I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk is not a location!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
