no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize