I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
