oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
