I need help removing her.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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