I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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