Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
