Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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