she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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