can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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